Back in the Saddle: My First Horse Show in 14 Years

Fourteen years. That’s how long it had been since I last entered the show ring.

As most of you know, I was a competitive rider, which meant everything to me for a long time. But over time, the pressure to always do better started to tear me apart. It ate away at the joy I used to have for it. I didn’t know what to do or even how to say I was getting run down in the show world. I have never been that competitive; at first, I rode for the connection, the peace, and the love of horses that I felt. But somewhere along the way, it became about ribbons, rankings, and not much else. Feeling lost and confused, I walked away from the world I loved.

Then, life added another obstacle.

When I was 25, this sharp pain started running down my back to my knee. Not knowing what it was and thinking I just pinched something, I went to a chiropractor who took x-rays of my back. I was diagnosed with mild scoliosis. I have a 19.9-degree curve in my lower back, affecting my sciatic nerve on both sides. This diagnosis explained a lot to me, yet it opened old wounds. As a teenager, I complained about something that did not feel right. I wasn’t able to sit on the floor with my legs straight in front of me without bending my knee because the pain would shoot through my back. It always felt like I needed to re-adjust my shoulder to have a good posture. But no one took me seriously. After the diagnosis, I held onto a lot of resentment. I distanced myself from everyone. Not just from the pain I felt in my daily life but the pain of not being heard.

For three years, I held onto that pain, that resentment. But then, in 2023, something shifted. I was tired of feeling like I was being held back from doing the things I loved. So, I let go of that resentment and pain. I decided I was going to live for myself. I wanted to start to feel alive again.

In the early fall of 2023, I saw my fiancé’s daughter ride. Before seeing her do this, I talked many times with my fiancé about getting back into riding, but for some reason, it was never the right time. Maybe because of nerves or just feeling like I would never be as good as I once was. But seeing her ride was the spark I needed. Her confidence and utter love were terrific. Watching her made me realize how much I missed being in the saddle. I started taking lessons in October, and for a while, it felt good. But the stable I was at didn’t offer the kind of opportunities I was looking for. I’m now back at one of the barns I was at in Indiana, where I can work with horses freely and have the opportunities I want.

Preparing for the show.

Initially, I would be showing a bay Quarter Horse named Honey. I spent about three months training with her. But she is sad; her bad habits, barn sourness, head tossing, signs of a possible neurological issue, and refusal to canter without bucking made it apparent she was not the show horse I was looking for. I needed to look out for both our safety and inner peace.

That’s when Magic came in.

Like I said, it was 14 years since I had been in a show ring, and time to prepare was running out. Magic is one of the sweetest and most willing horses I have ever rode. He is in his upper teens and is a draft cross. He is a fantastic rider and driver, but you can tell he is a driver. His high head and high-legged trot show he is definitely not a show horse. Even though he has the temperament and willingness to please. Together, we only had a few weeks to train. At that time, he did everything I wanted, even if I had to correct him. He tried his heart out. Even though we only placed in one class, Equitation, we did take 2nd out of three. I was proud of him. No, not because we placed, but because we made it to the show ring after all.

Another highlight of the day was seeing Colleen, the owner of Sunny, the horse I used to show as a teen. Colleen always treated me like a daughter. Even though, at the time, I never truly understood, she supported me in ways I can never repay: taking me to 4H workshops and shows when my dad couldn’t, getting our nails done together, and just genuinely being there. I’ve always been quiet and soft-spoken, but I was always grateful for her care. Seeing her again reminded me of the community that made me fall in love with this world in the first place.

This show wasn’t about being perfect. It wasn’t about ribbons or points. It was about reclaiming something I thought I had lost. It was about healing.

Thank You

I want to thank my dad, my fiancé, who have supported me as I’ve gotten back into riding, and Mike for generously allowing me to ride Magic. Lastly, thank you Colleen for everything you once did for me and my dad. Your support means more than you know.

I might not be riding like I did when I had Sunny and am still rebuilding my confidence, but I’m back, and I’m doing it my way. I hope to find a younger horse to continue my journey with, but one with the same heart and patience Magic showed me.

Because now, I’m not riding for perfection.

I’m riding for joy.

I’m riding for healing.

And I’m riding for the version of myself who never gave up, even when it hurt.